Showing posts from July, 2021

Drive at the speed limit! 🚦🚗

  I’ll start of by saying that you must drive safety and not use excessive speed, be safe people don’t end up hurt or hurting somebody else. I really don’t understand why some people driving totally normal cars, on totally normal roads refuse to go at the speed limit. The amount of people that hold every one up because they can’t use that little peddle on the right hand side and put their foot down! I was driving down a nice clear wide road with the speed limit set at 50 mph, nice long sweeping bends and pleasant sunny weather, all in all a good day to be driving. Then off in the distance I spotted it, a small silver in colour Honda Jazz, here is where it all went from a good drive with not issues to horrible and frustrating! As I mentioned before, the speed limit is 50 mph so it is reasonable to expect that you should be driving at that speed and not that much lower if everything is normal. So say if you’re the Honda Jazz traveling at 40 mph on the same straight road in good co

I am the onion king!

All must bow down before I, your new king, the onion king! After many hours working in the garden this Spring I finally decided that I wanted to be that one guy that grows his own veg in the back garden. Taking inspiration from the soft voice of Monty Don on the BBC’s Gardener’s World and those perfectly maintained designer looking veg patches on Instagram this winter I thought yep that’s what I’m going to do. I BE VEG MAN NOW. So in the tail end of winter I brought out the spade and broke ground. When I say broke ground I really mean I broke myself, digging semi frozen ground is not as easy as I thought it would be. There I was thinking that all soil was loose fluffy stuff not the mega compacted devil soil which has never been touched by us or the previous owners of this house or the for what I have now determined the whole human history! But there is good news to come out of all this hardship, my sore back and after copious amount of swearing that would make even a gathering sail

Park in the bloody lines! 🚗

I don’t know how many time I have seen this and I’m sorry if this turns in to more of a rant but this gets on my nerves so much, if you can’t park with in the bloody lines then you should not be bloody driving! It seems no matter where I go I will be plagued by those who never developed the primitive skills as a young child, colouring in between the lines. Now a child I could excuse, as they are only a small innocent proto-human without the fine dexterity commanding only a crayon with no risk what so ever to anybody other than the mild peril of treading on a dropped crayon on the floor and its accompanied clean up! But driving a car this is something you do require the skill of keeping it in-between the lines, you are now driving a massive heavy lump of metal which can go at least 70 miles per hour which requires training to use and drive legally. It’s pretty much night and day   Now to my latest run in with those who didn’t manage to pick up the foundations from their youth of par

Take away, never eating again! 🍲

Just last week I had to work a few hours longer than normal just to cover and out of hours event. The thought of coming home and cooking something when I had been on my feet for a stupid amount of hours became less and less appealing the closer I drove home. I realised directly in route back home I would be passing a good old fish and chip shop only five minutes away from home, felling super lazy it was the only option available to be as I had completely discounted the option of cooking for myself, it was just far too much effort. To cut a long story short, I got it and went home. After unwrapping the fried goodness, I tucked and devoured almost half in record time, that’s when the first pangs of regret and the phrase that we all say to ourselves, “I’m never having this again” and another “I’ll leave this a while before I having this again” both of these being complete lies that which we tell ourselves as in some effort to be able to reassure that what we have just done is completely

How to tell if England have scored in the football without watching it. ⚽

Euro 2020 is happening but being played in 2021 (sod you covid mixing all the dates up) and it is well under way. The England team is somewhere in a grid or something like that and they kicked the ball well so that it went in to the other sides net so much that they get to play even more matches with other people who also kicked a ball well, if it’s not clear by now I’m not much in to football all I know is they won and they are doing “OK” because they won another match. I have been trying to avoid watching it out of boredom for sheer lack of anything else to do and desperately trying not to sink to the level of becoming one of the lads drinking in a covid safe pub. I choose rather to sit at home and ignoring it all while watching some pointless videos on YouTube to pass the time while I come up with something to less mundane do to with my life. I was mildly startled by a loud cheer coming from the surrounding houses where I live. At first I had no idea what all the commotion was a

Never poo on your own time! 💩

💩 Never poo on your own time! Bit of a strange statement right? I do not normally go out of my way to give out life advice to everybody but here we are. This one to give it credit is helpful for a change will save you money! There are two recurring times in life where you can pounder the mundane things in life; one being the shower and the other sitting on the loo. For some odd reason we all seem to be hard wired in this modern world to not be allowed to become bored, we simply can’t just do nothing. A real world example of this is when you are in the shower or taking a bath. Right at that very moment when you are not using a large portion of your brain you will start to notice all of the little things around you,   like that black mould growing around the window that needs cleaning or you’ll try to work out why there is crusty stuff growing around the tap (yep I found out from a previous visit in time, I was bored in the shower, it’s limescale) we just can’t help it! This inbuilt


MOTI, stupid bloody acronyms. Man Of The Internet is exactly what is says on the tin, it’s a view of a man who is living in the time of the internet. As I was born at the advent of the World Wide Web my life has been shaped by its integration with our society for better or worse you can find out by reading! What to expect? Be prepared for the possibly the worst text based time capsule of all the worlds stupid quirks, moronic people, current affairs with hints of first world problems and mild undertone of pessimistic outlooks with a dash of general bullshittery to spice things up. Enjoy!