Man Of The Internet

  A new addition to the Man of the Internet household, a small fluffy kitten.  While being adorably cute and acting a bit of a moron while he grows up and finds his feet and explores the world around him we have made the shocking discovery, kittens are arseholes! We have a dog and did put in the research in to how we should introduce them. We read all the books and have taken all the necessary precautions to aid there smooth integration together. However, there is one thing that nobody ever tells you no matter the sauce of information “cats are little bastards”. As soon as they were both together and things looked like they were going well the bloody cat started hissing in my arms towards the dog. If you want to imagine the sound think a flock of swans with their young at a tranquil lake all hissing at you with the volume on max then you will have some idea of that the cat sounded like. The dog’s reaction “yeah about this, nope I’m out of here. Good luck guys” while walking ...

  Well it is that time of year again, the skies darken early, nobody can be bothered to go outside, the weather forecast makes you wonder why we did not learn to hibernate and hide away. For these who are not from the fine isles of Great Britain there is one thing that you will work out very quickly on your first visit, everybody talks about the weather. This is the way we break up the awkward silence and start with a bit of small talk. What is the only thing that everybody is experiencing at the same time and can be used as a sure fire way to start a conversation, well it is the current weather. During winter there is no exception to this, its cold wet and horrible what better conversation starter do you need? In one normal average day, I had a chain of people telling me how cold it is outside from the postman and the checkout operator in the petrol station to the receptionist at work and my colleagues. All that everybody mentioned was how cold it is! My other half has a habit...

Remember that cute, little, harmless, innocent dog I mentioned that I had before? Yeah the little shit farts a lot.  Let me start of by saying he is not a massive dog, so no Great Dane or Labrador, he is not much bigger that a loaf of bread and I am sure that come cats are bigger than he is! I would expect the “fart to mass” equation to work out something like this; larger dog more space for fart, small dog less space for farts. That does not seem to be true in my case with my little dog; he punches way over his weight bracket when it comes to venting hastiness from the rear ends! I am damn sure that he builds it all up inside of him just to wait for that optimal moment to vent it all in front of me in one godawful fart. I really have no idea how he fits it all in, I’m not kidding you there is so much inside of him I’m genuinely surprised that he does not start floating away and we have to tie him down like a blimp.   Right now and with the lack of obvious floating, I’m ...

Oh boy did I not think that this would be that hard, I was wrong, very wrong. So I recently moved house and amongst other things that we needed to get curtains where amongst them. The ones I already had where either too small or worn out beyond justifying putting up much to the annoyance of my bank balance fluttering on down to zero because of the already expensive nature of moving house. I carefully unboxed my tape measure that was hidden between a set of wine glasses and a tea pot I have never used and went straight to work measuring the windows in a manner of different ways with the cocky feeling of thinking I knew what I was doing scribbling down all the measurements I needed… foreshadowing warning! After being told numerous time by the better half in the few days since we got the keys that “hanging bed sheets looks rubbish” followed by “what will our new neighbours think” I thought it be best to help appease the situation (and get the hell out of there as quick as I can) by hu...