Man Of The Internet

OMFG THERE IS A FUEL SHORTAGE… well no but also yes, let me explain! Just like back at the start of the pandemic here in the UK, the government said “no need to worry there is enough food to go around, keep on as normal” and the news media went on to say “there could be a shortage in some things” followed by some supermarkets saying “we are reducing our range on some items so everybody can get what they need”. This resulted in everybody going bat shit crazy buying up all the loo roll and tins of beans to horde away in their houses for the next few years like there will never be food ever again and we would be shitting ourselves every five seconds. As just like it has done many a time before history has repeated itself, but this time with the dinosaur go go juice that we all put in our cars. So what’s the real issues then I hear you say, nothing, there is none. The only thing mentioned was a shortage of drivers to drive HGV’s carrying our food, fuel and Amazon packages to our shop...

  I’m pretty sure that if there is such thing as the devil a squeaking dog toy was his invention without a doubt. I’m pretty sure they should be labelled with large warnings, possibly with flashing lights, as they are in my mind an offensive weapon, I would even go as far that they should need you to have a licence to own them! You may not know but I have a dog, a little annoying at that. He loves a good squeaky toy and will spend hours on end repeatedly biting just at the very right point to induce a quick repeated squeak over and over and over again completely destroying everybody’s sanity within ear shot of the fluffy little bastard! After the last trip to the pet shop to get some more dog food the better three quarters decided that we should also get yet another weapons grade dog toy to keep him happy. I’m pretty sure now that the weight of toys this one dog has is greater than the weight of the bloody dog, actually while we are talking about it looking right now at the dog...

I guess this all stems from fashion, something which I know nothing at all about so probably should have no say about this topic but a rant must be allowed to vent in to the wild. I just can’t understand why somebody would wear unnecessary tight trousers almost painted on to your skin and even more so, as I will explain below, if you’re a bloke! Could it be something as simple as a mistake when washing them causing them to shrink? That must be it, setting the washing machine too hot easy mistake to make I guess, but why still wear them? The only logical reason I can think of would be because it’s the only pair of trousers he has either because of finances or the rest are in the wash (let’s hope that the temperature is set correctly this time) and he is heading off to buy a new pair from the shops. I guess it is better than walking around without them I guess… I think the police would be happier not getting reports of a inadequately dressed individual causing a scene every five minute...

I like to stock up when I go shopping, mainly because I hate shopping and generally social interaction unless entirely necessary. If you have an option where you can get a six months or a years’ worth in one go leading to you not have to return for an extended period of time that sounds like a win for me! My toothpaste supplies have been dwindling over the past few days to critical levels so it be best I head out in to yonder leaving my empty stock pile cupboards and venture once more into the fray of the outdoors in my epic quest to gather more supplies, where will this adventure take me to… to Tesco, pretty sure that’s a hobbit over there. Upon browsing the many isles of plentiful items for sale I noticed something that intrigued me, why do all the toothpastes have this mentioned in some form or another “8 out of 10 dentists recommend this product”. Is this just me or does this all seem a bit odd to you? Why would I want to take a recommendation from a dentist who makes money whe...

  I’ll start of by saying that you must drive safety and not use excessive speed, be safe people don’t end up hurt or hurting somebody else. I really don’t understand why some people driving totally normal cars, on totally normal roads refuse to go at the speed limit. The amount of people that hold every one up because they can’t use that little peddle on the right hand side and put their foot down! I was driving down a nice clear wide road with the speed limit set at 50 mph, nice long sweeping bends and pleasant sunny weather, all in all a good day to be driving. Then off in the distance I spotted it, a small silver in colour Honda Jazz, here is where it all went from a good drive with not issues to horrible and frustrating! As I mentioned before, the speed limit is 50 mph so it is reasonable to expect that you should be driving at that speed and not that much lower if everything is normal. So say if you’re the Honda Jazz traveling at 40 mph on the same straight road in goo...

All must bow down before I, your new king, the onion king! After many hours working in the garden this Spring I finally decided that I wanted to be that one guy that grows his own veg in the back garden. Taking inspiration from the soft voice of Monty Don on the BBC’s Gardener’s World and those perfectly maintained designer looking veg patches on Instagram this winter I thought yep that’s what I’m going to do. I BE VEG MAN NOW. So in the tail end of winter I brought out the spade and broke ground. When I say broke ground I really mean I broke myself, digging semi frozen ground is not as easy as I thought it would be. There I was thinking that all soil was loose fluffy stuff not the mega compacted devil soil which has never been touched by us or the previous owners of this house or the for what I have now determined the whole human history! But there is good news to come out of all this hardship, my sore back and after copious amount of swearing that would make even a gathering sail...

I don’t know how many time I have seen this and I’m sorry if this turns in to more of a rant but this gets on my nerves so much, if you can’t park with in the bloody lines then you should not be bloody driving! It seems no matter where I go I will be plagued by those who never developed the primitive skills as a young child, colouring in between the lines. Now a child I could excuse, as they are only a small innocent proto-human without the fine dexterity commanding only a crayon with no risk what so ever to anybody other than the mild peril of treading on a dropped crayon on the floor and its accompanied clean up! But driving a car this is something you do require the skill of keeping it in-between the lines, you are now driving a massive heavy lump of metal which can go at least 70 miles per hour which requires training to use and drive legally. It’s pretty much night and day   Now to my latest run in with those who didn’t manage to pick up the foundations from their youth of...