Unnecessary tight trousers

I guess this all stems from fashion, something which I know nothing at all about so probably should have no say about this topic but a rant must be allowed to vent in to the wild. I just can’t understand why somebody would wear unnecessary tight trousers almost painted on to your skin and even more so, as I will explain below, if you’re a bloke!

Could it be something as simple as a mistake when washing them causing them to shrink? That must be it, setting the washing machine too hot easy mistake to make I guess, but why still wear them? The only logical reason I can think of would be because it’s the only pair of trousers he has either because of finances or the rest are in the wash (let’s hope that the temperature is set correctly this time) and he is heading off to buy a new pair from the shops. I guess it is better than walking around without them I guess… I think the police would be happier not getting reports of a inadequately dressed individual causing a scene every five minutes!

I’m sure that most gentlemen would be able to back me up on this one I hope, don’t your nuts hurt being squashed all the time? It really can’t be good for them with all that pressure of tight clothing forcing your balls inside of your torso! Like every step must be agony, left foot ouch, right foot ouch, left foot ouch, stopping and returning to standing ouch… existence is pain.

Further to this point in the gentleman region, wont they overheat? Think about this for a second (or maybe not... yuck) if your meat and two veg are being pressured in to your body and there is a clear absence of space around them due to relentless pressure of cloth on you sack there is not going to be a lot of air flow, there is a medical reason why the old fella is swinging in the breeze after all… to keep them cool! I don’t fancy poaching the plums personally, sounds sweaty!

Mabey I’m missing something, I’m being far to cruel and ignorant to everybody who has chosen to wear them. I must try them myself, for science! Upon clearing up the wardrobe one rainy from total boredom I found a pair of old jeans that I have not worn since I was studying at college, needless to say I have gotten a fair bit “bigger” shall we say since then. This is about a far as I’ll go I’m not going to spend money purchasing a pair only to see what the fuss is all about. Reminding myself this is all for scientific research I started to put them on, I force one leg in while feeling all the blood squeeze out of my foot and lower leg as I put them on, time for the second leg and tug them up repeatedly. If anybody walked in now seeing me trying to put these on and not be able to do the zipper up I think there would be a lot of explaining to do which I’m sure will be followed by a life time of mocking.

Right, disregarding that I can’t do the up zip nor button they are on. This looks like that I have seen people wearing and yes they are rather tight and uncomfortable, can I move in them… technically yes I can but upon every step a crushing sensation to the point of pain happens in the down below region I can’t take much more of this unless I want to be talking in an octave higher for the next week. One final test, can I sit down, for science I move closer to the edge of the bed and plonk my arse down, at that very moment a tremendous ripping sound happens as the stitching along both legs finally can’t take any more stress and gives way releasing my legs back to an uncompressed state once more. For science I reminded myself recovering from the pain, all that I have achieved in this study has reaffirmed my hypothesis… I do indeed hate them!

I think its frankly clear that I just don’t get it. I have no fashion sense nor care for it and there is no way in hell you will catch me owning a pair let alone wearing them out and about but there are some people who I guess live the life of the term “suffer for your art”. As for me, I’ll happily leave this one to somebody else.