Oh I wish it could be Christmas…


Seasonal blog post at Christmas with a negative undertone, oh how original…

To be fair I do not hate Christmas but rather I don’t like all the marketing and being forced to do something. I’m more of a free spirit who can’t be controlled, told what to do or tamed, what’s that dear you want me to put the decorations up, can it wait for a bit?, no OK I’ll do it now… fuck!

Starting on one of the two big issues with the whole Christmas thing is all the crap every shop and business has to pump out no stop for the whole of November and December enticing you to purchase from them. As if this Christmas deal it the best there ever has been since you know the last bloody sale that was exactly the same just not branded with a snowman and a few floating snowflakes.

Supermarkets sweet Jesus (no offence around your birthday), how many bloody brussels sprouts does one need for 19p (looking at you Tesco). Right as you walk in the door you are almost punched square in the face with the pallet loads of green nuggets propped up by the Christmas cardboard outer shipping container as you try to navigate your trolley. Frankly not something to be annoyed about, it’s Christmas after all and the peak season for munching on them, what really tickled my annoyance nerve was on every end of isle there all you could see was a wall of green fart inducing veg stacked up in every knock and cranny because they can’t admit that that might of just ordered too many.

Now while I can understand supermarkets trying to get people in their shops but why are mobile phone shops doing the same? Tesco Mobile, why on earth did you think that, according to you adverts, I will be gifting a flag ship mobile phone to my relatives? Or why would Homebase feel that having a discount on paint you know for that special time when we welcome baby Jesus in to the world by paining the living room feature wall in “Earthy Clay”… It’s nothing but jumping on the band waggon.

The next big issue I have with Christmas is being forced to do something that I really can’t be bothered to do. Sure seeing family that you have not seen in ages (or last Christmas…) is nice and all but I would rather choose (or not) to see them when I want to. I only get a few days off work over the Christmas break and to be honest with you I would rather be at home doing my thing than seeing my Aunt who drinks far too much and then feels the need to bring up her political views to them force them down upon you for the whole evening.

Christmas cards, talk about something I can’t be bothered to do. Bloody hell it has turned in to massive chore of returning a card back to somebody that has sent you one otherwise they will become “butt hurt” that they didn’t get one and bring it up in some form of passive aggressive comment at the Christmas get together. For fuck sake, it is a pointless waste of flattered and then coloured tree get over yourself!

Now I know what I have only been spreading negativity at this festive time and I’m sorry for that, it not all doom and gloom there are things I do like about Christmas. Food… BRING ON THE TURKEY. Oh, I really like the food. Christmas is a wonderful excuse to stuff your face with a massive roast dinner, all the snacks and puddings until you have to roll out of the dinner chair and waddle over to the sofa to watch the Queen’s speech. After that then telling yourself that you will never eat that much ever again fully well knowing that boxing day is tomorrow and you will be cracking out the cold cuts of meat and pickles repeating the exact same thing once more just with less Queen and more Christmas films!

I really love and hate Christmas but between all of this I do wish you a good one wherever you are! Peace out, now where are the Pringles and dips….


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